Hate the Game, Not the Player

"Hate the Game, not the Player."

You may have heard that phrase before and I don’t condone the behavior of what in our culture would be called a “player” (referring to someone who is not faithful to a friend or romantic interest). However, I think that we could all learn something from the principle of criticizing behavior without judging the content of that person's character.

We (as Christians especially) have gotten really good at not only judging someone’s behavior, but also judging their character based on what we see in their behavior. I don’t think this is fair and, at times, I actually think it is wrong.

Someone’s character, integrity, and reputation are, in most cases, their most prized possession. When you question someone’s character, you are questioning their worth and significance. Most of the time, we don’t have enough information to judge someone’s character.

Prime Examples:
1. Politicians. We watch how they vote, scrutinize what they say, and listen to rumors about what they think and how they act. Very few of us actually KNOW the politicians that are in power. So, is it fair for us to actually judge their character? We can have opinion on their policies, decisions, and behaviors, but we can’t judge them as a person. We can’t say, “He’s a scoundrel” or “What a sellout!” That is dangerous territory. If you have ever been in a position of influence where you make decisions that impact people, you know that people (with limited information) can often times completely misunderstand the intent of your actions and methods because they don’t understand the whole story and all the factors in place. Politicians are leaders in authority who are privy to information that the general public does not have (for good reason). Judge their policy, but don’t bash or defame their character. It’s not right.

2. Professional Athletes. They make millions, play a sport for a living, and often times live crazy lifestyles off the court (at least that is what we see on the media). But, that’s not the whole person and its not EVERY athlete. It’s not their fault that they make ridiculous amounts of money. We pay for the jerseys, tickets, and souvenirs. We are the ones that turn on the TV, invite friends over, and enjoy games (giving cable companies opportunities to advertise to us). Very few people can do what a professional athlete can do and (by the very simple economic law of supply and demand) they naturally should get paid what they get paid. If the players didn’t make that much money, then franchise owners would be able to buy entire countries with their profits. For the most part, they are all kids that want to succeed and win in life. We watch them play a fierce, competitive game on TV. We don’t know them personally. So, be careful to judge the content of their character.

3. Bosses. Everyone complains about his or her boss. Well, not everyone, but a good portion of professionals have negative things to say about their boss or their superiors at work. Part of this is natural; when we are frustrated we need to blame somebody. But, I think it’s easy to take it too far. You have no idea what pressures your boss is under from THEIR superiors. Decisions they make aren’t always THEIR decisions or the way they would do things. They have a boss or superior that they are accountable to as well and that boss has more factors impacting the decision than you, your boss, or I are aware of from where we sit. Be nice to your current boss and previous bosses. They have a hard job.

Marcus Buckingham wrote this statement in his book The One Thing You Need to Know, “Find the most generous explanation for someone’s behavior and choose to believe it.” In short, believe the best! You are entitled to your opinion, your perspective on what you would do, and what you consider “right” or “wrong” behavior. Go ahead, judge behavior. But, please be careful when judging someone’s character. That is messing with someone’s soul.